you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize