I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
thus making me awesome and them whores
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
