I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize