I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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