i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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