I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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