I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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