Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
