I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
