How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this beer tastes like vomit already
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
