I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
