I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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