when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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