they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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