i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
