we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
operation have a gay friend backfired
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
