my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
