At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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