I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
