i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
