High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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