I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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