That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
