i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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