Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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