We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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