I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
