She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
