Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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