"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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