Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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