Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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