you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
