The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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