Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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