my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
