dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
