i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
