the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
