I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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