So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
