I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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