WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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