i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
