I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
