I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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