If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
