new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i now understand why vodka
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
