Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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