the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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