Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
