Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
