Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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