Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
