$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
