were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
